Basics for Bottoms

This topic provides a few important warnings and suggestions for brand new bottoms, but note that additional knowledge and skills are discussed later in this section.

While it’s true that tops have a lot of work to do and things to learn and control, bottoms have a similar, though sometimes different, set of understanding to gain and skills to master. Below are suggested areas to focus on as you begin your journey as a rope bottom, along with some suggestions for where to go next.

The Dangers of Bottoming

A word of caution before we begin: as we’ve said before, rope — particularly strenuous rope and/or suspension — can be dangerous. While most injuries are minor, they are not uncommon, and potential injuries in rope could last hours to weeks to a lifetime.

Additionally, injuries may occur even when everyone does everything “right.” If you are tied by a highly-skilled and competent rope top with whom you have an established relationship with good communication, and that top operates strictly within pre-negotiated guidelines and ties a technically-perfect version of a tie on you, you can still be injured … perhaps seriously! Please let the truth of this statement sink in and be clear to you.

You are the person taking the greatest risk in rope. Ultimately, you are responsible for the risks you are willing to take, and you share equal responsibility for those risks barring blatant violations of consent by the top!

Advice for Brand New Bottoms

• Choose your partners carefully. When you first start bottoming for rope, you may not have many rope-specific ways to assess potential partners. That will come with time. However, the most important traits in a rope top are:
  • someone who is more concerned about your experience in the rope and your safety than about any other aspect (looking cool, getting the tie right, etc.)
  • someone who can and does actively listen to and respond to the communication you provide
  • someone who is honest about their skill and experience level and doesn’t try to move beyond that except in specific small steps for the sake of learning
  • someone you can trust
• A few suggested questions to ask before a rope interaction (see Consent, Negotiation & Risk Profiles for more):
  • What kind of interaction are we about to have (are we learning, practicing, playing)?
  • How do we both want to “feel” or what “experience” do we both want to have during and after this interaction?
  • What kinds of ties will we be doing?
  • How well do you know these ties? Who taught them to you?
  • What are the major risks for what we’re about to do?
  • What else should I know about these ties, what I might experience in them, or how I should move or help?
• Get ready:
  • Hydrate – not being properly hydrated can increase your risk of injury; make sure you get plenty of liquids leading up to a rope interaction (not just right before)
  • Eat normally – preferably about an hour before doing rope
  • Pee before you rope!
  • Warm up – there are some disagreements about whether stretching right before rope is helpful or not. Current best practice recommends doing some light dynamic stretching or movement to warm up the body, but avoiding any deep stretching that’s intended to “improve” flexibility. Instead, save the deeper stretches for after the interaction, and stretch to increase flexibility between interactions.
  • Be (and remain) self aware – as you’re learning about rope and your body’s reactions to it, stay as aware as possible to what you’re experiencing. Letting yourself “go” and moving into “rope space” can be great when working within already-established limits with a trusted partner, but isn’t recommend for learning.
• Try not to be too “helpful.” As you learn more, you’ll begin to understanding what we call “the dance of rope” and will gain a better sense of when to be still, when to move, when to help. But generally speaking, new bottoms tend to “over help.”
• Don’t watch the rope … you’ll be moving parts of your body to do so.
• Your nose will itch. Know how you’re going to get it scratched. 🙂

On Clothing

Some tops prefer to tie bottoms who are minimally-clothed (or nude). There are legitimate arguments to be made for this that have nothing to do with sex. For example: rope tends to grip better to skin than to most fabrics, fabrics can shift and change the placement and tension in a tie, clothing can get caught in the ropes, etc. Regardless, you should never feel coerced to wear less than your level of comfort or to wear/not wear what you want.

That said, when choosing what clothing to wear, keep these recommendations in mind:

• It’s typically better to wear form-fitting clothes that do not restrict your range of motion.
• Avoid clothes with tight bands or bras with underwire, as these can make proper rope placement difficult or add to the risk of nerve compression in some cases.
• Avoid overly-decorative clothes with lots of straps, holes, lace, etc., as they are easy to accidentally grab while tying or may be deformed/torn by the act of tying or the pressures of the rope.
• Avoid very slippery clothing options as this can make it difficult to keep the rope in the intended location.
• Layer clothing to be ready for a variety of temperatures. Many people find that they feel hot when they are in rope, and feel cold as soon as the rope comes off. Wearing a variety of layers allows you to be prepared for a range of experiences.

A few other tips about preparing for a rope session:

• If you have long hair, keep a hair tie handy in case you want/need to get it out of the way.
• Be careful with lotions and oils. While these can be helpful after a rope interaction, avoid applying them right before an interaction. They can make the rope slip, and your top may not appreciate their rope smelling like your favorite body lotion. 🙂
• Remove any jewelry that could become tangled in the rope or would be uncomfortable if the rope causes it to be pressed into your skin, for example ear rings, necklaces, bracelets and potentially other body piercings.

Body Types in Rope Bottoming

We want to say a word about body types. All kinds of people in all kinds of physical conditions can enjoy rope, can be tied, and can be suspended. There is no sign saying “you must be this skinny” or “you must be this tall” or “you must be this …” whatever in order to enjoy rope.

However, in some instances, additional or different skills, approaches, or materials may be required. For example, if a bottom doesn’t have the flexibility to fold their arms comfortably behind their back (for whatever reason), then an arms-behind chest harness is likely not a tie that’s right for them. Some people may require more wraps in a given tie in order to sustain it without risk of injury. Some people have difficulty breathing, or have impaired circulation, or any number of other potential physical conditions that will make modifications necessary. But as long as those needs are identified and those modifications are made, then anyone can enjoy rope bondage.

And as we say elsewhere: “all rope is modification.” Meaning, rope tops should be tying the particular body of the person they’re working with … not tying the rope, tying a pattern, etc.

That said, it should be obvious that a flexible, strong, well-trained athlete will likely be able to safely process some types of ties (floor or suspension) that a non-athlete (regardless of age, weight, or body type) simply cannot endure without extreme risk and potential injury.

Therefore, our stance is this: neither age nor weight nor body type nor conditioning are definitive, deciding factors in determining the type of rope that a person can enjoy … but neither are they irrelevant. All of this goes back to knowing yourself, your limits, and your body in rope, being able to communicate those needs, and making any necessary modifications in cooperation with your top. (For more on this concept, we recommend this post on Fetlife and Evie Vane’s book Better Bondage for Every Body.)

Everyone can enjoy rope in a variety of ways, and we hope that everyone will find and celebrate the ways they can do so within their own informed risk profile.

You Are Not a Robot

Some days, you will feel more physically or mentally able to enjoy or process a tie than you will on other days. This is completely normal, and you should not feel any guilt when this happens. However, it is important to recognize and communicate this with your partner. (This is true for tops, as well. In addition, if you’re having an off day, it can also help to let the top know that they aren’t “bad” today.)

Recognizing when this happens will help you become more attuned to your own experiences in rope. It will also help you determine whether this is a temporary state or something that you need to explore further and possibly address.

For example, some days, you just won’t be in the right “headspace” for a certain tie, or you may have slept funny on your shoulder last night, or you may just be tired. On the other hand, sudden difficulty with a tie that didn’t pose that same level of difficulty in the past, and that you can’t attribute to a temporary cause, could indicate a physical or emotional problem area that may need investigating.

In addition, the way you experience a tie in “practice” or “performance” mode may be different from the way you experience that exact same tie in “play” mode because of the way your mind and body are responding to the tie. For more on this, we recommend you read this post on Fetlife.

Finally, you should feel comfortable communicating this with your partner, even if you don’t go into detail. Otherwise, your partner is likely to blame themselves for the tie “not working right” this time, or may continue to try to push through the tie, thinking the problem is theirs.

Being able to know when a tie “isn’t working” is an essential skill, but it’s also important to be able to recognize why.

A Note on Suspension

We recommend that bottoms (and tops) not move directly into suspension. This is more commonly accepted by tops, as it’s easy to recognize that specific skills are necessary to responsibly practice suspension. This is less-commonly accepted by bottoms, as there is often an assumption that the top needs to have skills but the bottom just needs to let things happen. We strongly disagree.

On the contrary, bottoms have a wide range of skills they can use to make suspensions safer and more manageable. These skills are less “obvious” from the outside, but are just as important.

They start with being able to assess the tops with whom they tie in order to appropriately determine the risks they are willing to take with those tops. This requires spending enough time studying rope tying and its related skills to be able to assess what is happening.

They continue with the ability to recognize proper placement and tension for their body, the ability to move in rope to decrease risk and improve sustainability, the ability to process the physical and mental/emotional stress of the interaction, and the ability to openly and effectively communicate needs.

For these reasons, we recommend an extended period of study for both tops and bottoms before moving into suspension. (And we recommend starting with partial suspension and working at that level for an extended period of study before moving to full suspension). We have no magic number for how long is long enough (much of it depends on previous skills, dedication of study, prior body awareness, etc.), but in general, we mean many months of dedicated study at minimum (not hours or weeks).

Some Essential Bottoming Skills

The rest of this section addresses these and other skills and knowledge, but we provide the list below as an overview of what we suggest you focus on in your bottoming education journey. These all come from time and practice, with incremental increases to risk.

• Be Educated – The more you know about both sides of the rope, the more informed your decisions will be. So, for example, you don’t need to be able to tie a single-column tie, but you should be able to recognize one that is tied competently and correctly, and be able to recognize if it’s finished with a collapsible or non-collapsible knot. The more you know, the better informed your risk-taking can be.
• Know Your Body in Rope – The more you know about your reactions to rope, the more you can cooperate in rope for a successful interaction, and the better you can recognize a problem before it causes injury.
• Know Your Limits – Everyone has them; know yours, don’t be ashamed of them, and communicate them.
• Communicate Clearly – About your intent, hopes and expectations; about your experience in rope; and as soon as you notice an issue.
• Be Mindful – Know yourself, learn how to monitor yourself in rope, trust your instincts, and then choose how mindful you will be in an interaction.
• Be Prepared – Physically and mentally, including anything you need to make an interaction successful.

Rope is an experience shared by two people. What the top wants to get out of a rope interaction is only half of the equation. You should also be able to articulate what you want: from rope in general, from this particular interaction, from this particular tie. Part of your development as a bottom is learning how to recognize, manifest, and achieve those things.

Active Bottoming

“Active” bottoming means a bottom who is informed, aware, and intentionally participating in the rope experience.

We believe that bottoms should have the ability to be “active” participants in bondage, and we recommend choosing to be active during learning and practice. Bottoms may choose to “let go” and be less active participants in play (and, sometimes, performance) if they enjoy that approach to rope, but we want bottoms to have the knowledge and skills available in order to make that an informed choice.

Generally speaking, active bottoming involves:

• Effective monitoring and decision-making (see Monitoring & Decision-Making)
• Effective communication (see the section on “Working Together”)
• Effective processing for desired goals (see Processing Stress)
• Movements (micro or macro) to assist with or process ties. As you learn your body in rope, you will also learn how small and large movements through engaging or relaxing muscles can dramatically change your experience in rope. Experiment with these movements during your practice time.
• Accepting responsibility for decisions (see Monitoring & Decision-Making). Rope is a shared experience. Therefore — assuming there are no willful violations of consent or intentional harm — the results and experiences that come from a rope interaction should be shared by the participants. Bottoms share the responsibility for that experience.

TOPS: GIVE EQUAL PRACTICE TIME FOR BOTTOMS!

Before we get too deep into various bottoming skills, we want to address the tops directly. (Because the tops are studying all of this material, too, right? Right?!)

When we think of rope practice, we typically think either of “tying practice” or, if we’re lucky, of “partnered practice.” In the early stages of learning together, a lot of time is spent with a top furiously trying to remember where the rope goes while the bottom stands there bored and trying hard not to correct their partner. As skills progress, there’s usually a shift to thinking of practice time as a partnered activity where both sides of the rope are focused on different but related skills.

However, as you gain more experience, we want to encourage you to have practice time that is focused exclusively on the bottom. In that type of practice, the top’s efforts and choices should be completely in service to the strategies or skills that the bottom wants to practice.

For example:

• The bottom wants to work on managing the stress of torsion in the body, so the top ties something that will facilitate that and leads the bottom in and out of various degrees of torsion depending on the bottom’s needs.
• Or, the bottom wants to focus on breathing strategies, so the top ties something that restricts breathing in a certain way (depending on the bottom’s request) or puts the bottom in a position that restricts breathing (again, depending on the bottom’s request) and leads them in and out of that stress as dictated by the needs of the bottom.
• Or, the bottom wants to explore how different folded leg tie patterns are more or less sustainable for them, or how different attachment choices to those ties change their experience of them.
• Etc.!

Bottoms: you should get equal opportunities to practice your skills!

Additional Readings & Resources

Below is a collection of resources relevant to these topics: